A Lover’s Passive Abuse

It was difficult to put the words in this poem into a rhythm. The original purpose was to poetically describe being a male victim of passive abuse in a relationship. There is too much I want to say in regards to that topic so it is likely best left as an article. However since the poem is written I leave it here for your perusal. An excellent article can be found here.

Love is given and love received
Warmth spreads from the heart of One
To the heart of the Other
And it would so sublimely seem
That the love they shared was divine

Until words sprang up between them
One had learned that cutting words hurt
and that peace cannot be found
when conflict is the resolution
Yet Love can still exist between the two.

And words were twisted and curled
Other had learned walls must be barbed
and ’tis better to strike those you love
rather than being struck at all
And Love only exists in submission

Thus the One found silence golden
While the Other lashed all about
Fear had overcome the love
The Two had claimed to share
With One defeated through attrition

Every disagreement they had
The apologies were only his
She had seen to it that her love
Held an unknowable and unpayable price
When it could no longer be paid…

He was cast aside.


About ninefolddragon

I am a self-proclaimed writer, spiritualist, and warrior. My primary writings are poetry and essays that evoke elemental visualization and are written in honor of the sacred feminine.
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12 Responses to A Lover’s Passive Abuse

  1. bjgaulton says:

    Painful and true

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Things not easy to admit.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. AmyRose🌹 says:

    A subject very difficult to discuss or write about. Too many people have experienced this.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. pranabaxom says:

    “peace cannot be found
    when conflict is the resolution
    Yet Love can still exist between the two” – you nailed it.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. pranabaxom says:

    Nothing more needed to be said.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Cezane & Michelle says:

    I really really loved the lines and the Intel to this poem. One of my favourates! – Cezane 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. At what point does silence become abuse?

    I struggle. Having been in many angry relationships, I’ve tended to get the angry words and actions. I choose to remain silent when I’m angry because I’ve learned anger and words coupled equal a weapon. I don’t want to use the same weapon that’s been used against me against others to cause pain.

    When does silence stop being protection and start being painful?

    And yes… I like the idea of using poetry to open conversation 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • There is some documentation on the web about this. Here’s an example from my own experience. The conversation starts off like normal. The trigger that starts the argument was typically something I disagreed with. At least in one case it was a disagreement I didn’t even know existed because I had stated my opinion on a topic before she had even shared hers. That is just how conversation is — a back and forth dialog of opinions. After the trigger is initiated it is followed with statements like “I can’t believe you would even say that!” or “I feel like you are telling me I’m wrong!” These are replacements for things like, “Oh I didn’t know you felt that way. This is how I feel about the topic.” A barrage of emotional abuse then begins while I try to defend myself logically. During the course of the logic defense I was always sure to reaffirm I could empathize with her feelings. Because of the passive-aggressive nature of the abuse, however, both the logic and the affirmations are turned against me. She then shuts down and separates herself from me physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

      That is where the silence starts as abuse. When two people love each other they become connected. There is science to back this up as well. Intentionally removing that connection on a whim is tantamount to abuse. It gets worse though. When the man loses that connection he wants to reconnect. So what I would do is approach, apologize, and again attempt to share my feelings of love. The silence would continue until I had repented of all my sins and absolved her of all of hers. Thus the sinner continually looked like me and me alone. Every argument went that way. Continually I would be required to repent and absolve. Her side of it was that a simple verbal apology from her was fine while a simple verbal from me was never enough. Abuse.


      • So, she’s trying to use silence to manipulate as opposed to using silence to process and regroup and deal? Yeah, manipulation is not good, and that’s probably not a healthy relationship. And I know connection for men is different.

        Liked by 1 person

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