The act of engaging in love making with your spouse or partner, when done in the highest stages of love, can be incredibly healing to traumatic spiritual wounds. The basis for this involves the open expression of love through physical action while allowing our walls to drop in order to let our partner in completely. As stated in “Love and Sex” this cannot be taken lightly or without responsibility. Any attempt to excuse sexual activity while there is only “eros” love is still engaging in promiscuity. Furthermore intent alone does not determine the healing nature of love making as this is actually determined by the energy both given and received.
From a spiritual perspective this act engages the sacral chakra, the second of seven chakra (energy points) in the body. This chakra is essentially our passion center and is located in the pelvic region. It is within this chakra where the energy of transformation can be felt within the body. Every emotion, intimacy, and sense of connected begins here. Thus a disruption to this chakra causes us to become less intimate and less connected to others and the pain of transformation is more unbearable than it would be if this chakra were allowed to blossom.
Since our own cultural and religious conditioning tends to shame the expression of emotion and intimacy we have a tendency to have an under developed, and sometimes even damaged, sacral chakra. Men and women who have been abused, raped, or sexually molested will have a tendency of having very damaged sacral chakra’s. The symptoms of this closed chakra include a fear of intimacy, walls built around intense emotions, disconnection from ourselves and our peers, and a decreased ability to feel pleasure.
With the sacral chakra closing we have a deeper tendency to express, “I feel…” and “I want…” This isn’t a negative expression. It is the diagnostic tool used to learn that there is an issue. These are our rights! We have the right to feel and to want and so often we are told to push that deep down. That leads to the greatest challenge of this chakra — guilt! For a moment you felt something and expressed the desire for it. Then you felt guilty for wanting it. That guilt closes up the chakra and impacts everything associated with it. Emotions are stifled. Creativity dips. Walls go up. Intimacy falls apart.
How can sex be used to heal this issues and open up the sacral chakra? Everything we do and everything we feel is expressed as energy. Acts of anger and aggression carry with them a negative energy. Conversely acts of compassion and gratitude carry with them a positive energy. Sex, when there is no love attached to it and only anger, aggression, and control is attached to it, will close off the sacral chakra. Because life is full of balances it can be concluded that sex, when “phileo” or “agape” love is attached to it, can open up the sacral chakra. Here is a semi-graphic example from my own life. I want to preface this by stating I am sharing this anecdote with full permission from the other party involved.
One night I was engaged in an intimate moment with someone I was incredibly close with. We were enjoying each other’s kisses, breath, laughter, and love for several minutes before we took a moment to rest. As we lay there in each other’s arms we decided to play a quick game of “20 Questions” with a slightly erotic turn to it. At one point I asked if she was okay with an additional form of stimulation. The question was answered with a negative and I was completely fine with that because I was engaged in that moment with agape love for her. Furthermore the question was only asked in order to find additional ways to stimulate her. As we lay there tears began to form in her eyes and, amid her crying, she shared a dark moment from her past that she hadn’t thought of in many years. A part of her worried that her tears were “ruining the moment,” but I felt that nothing was ruined. She shared the following story:
She had just finished having sex with a guy when she rolled over considering how else she could give him pleasure. She had always been a giving and nurturing woman even then. Unfortunately that is when he grabbed her and shoved himself inside her rectum. Shock and pain ran through her body and she froze. She screamed and he laughed. She wrestled herself away and he continued his insidious laughter. It had bled and hurt so much that she grew to feel she could never turn her back to a man again.
Our love making was so giving towards one another that the experience did not end up being treated like a PTSD episode. She didn’t shove me off. She didn’t yell. She cried. I held her. We talked. Healing was actually beginning for an experience that may never have healed had we not explored that moment.
Why was this moment treated with such a capacity for learning and joy as opposed to turning into a moment of intense fear and bitter flashbacks? The reason that I would put forth is because the energy put forth by both our love and love making was without expectation. We abandoned fear for the evening and instead chose compassion. Thus every movement we made with one another was almost sacred and holy and in being so became acts of healing. In more psychological terms one could say that the safe environment in which the love making was being held allowed her walls to drop completely for a few moments. During that time when her walls were down she was able to express a level of excruciating vulnerability that she had never expressed before. By doing so she showed such a tremendous deal of strength even if she felt weak and embarassed within herself.
My advice to both men and women out there is to treat sex as sacred. No matter who you are with let your love be without Self and full of compassion. Do not let the love making be about you or your own physical needs but make it about the needs of your partner. When both parties do this there is no limit to how positive that experience will be.